What refreshes you? The post-disaster trajectory is a long haul. As one of our Advisors says, it's a marathon, not a sprint. To sustain yourself as a professional or volunteer leader, and to help your colleagues and peers sustain themselves, it's important to identify and use the "water stations" along the way of this particular type of marathon. If you're an athlete, this metaphor may make a lot of sense to you. If you're not an athlete, and find yourself suddenly needing to respond to a disaster (or multiple disasters) in your community, consider the ways you will sustain yourself through moments of refreshment. No one can make it through a marathon or triathlon without hydration and nutrients throughout the course. It's the same for responding to disasters in the healthiest way possible. Here are a few questions to help you identify what is most helpful and restorative to you. 

When and how do you experience moment's of relief or a breath of fresh air? 

• Talking with a friend 
• Getting a massage, or having a home spa night with a face mask and herbal tea
• Taking a walk or a hike
• Drinking water or herbal tea
• Having a nutritious meal
• Sitting quietly in a peaceful place
• Lighting a candle 
• Praying or meditating 
• Giving gifts to others

Consider the times and places when you feel a spark of joy, peacefulness, or encouragement. How can you replicate those, even in small ways, throughout the days and weeks ahead? 


Have you smiled today? 

As you face the hard work of response and recovery each day, pay attention to how many times you smile to yourself or to another person. Little moments of pleasure, gratitude, or kindness can refresh your spirit. 


What helps you gain healthy perspective? 

A disaster can feel all encompassing. Reminding yourself in small ways – with a screensaver on your phone, a memento in your pocket, a sticky note in your bag or on the mirror – of goodness going on throughout the world can inspire you along the way and remind you of what else is happening beyond the scope of this particular disaster or series of events. 


How do you express love or joy toward the people you live with or with whom you are neighbors? 

Many of us, under duress, find we can forget to hug or smile at or express care toward the people to whom we are in closest relation. These relationships are important and will be the ones that help sustain us along the way. Make a point of expressing appreciation in some way each day. 


What else is working for you right now? 

Share in the comments below what "water stations" help to refresh you and your people. Your best practices can help others find their footing, too. 

We can define the syllabus with precision, but our best-laid plans are subject to the moments when life simply happens. Questions arise. Frustrations are felt. And the sages on the stage better have something to show for all their high-falutin’ learning.

At least this is how I feel when teaching in the midst of traumatic events. I can usually triage the syllabus—shuffling assignments around to give space to the moment. I even know well enough to leave room for the inevitable crisis within my course planning. But what do you actually do when you’re in front of students who have come to class just as raw as you?

There’s no media bulletin that will solve the problem. Trauma doesn’t care about public relations. There’s no master lecture that will bring a master solution. Trauma doesn’t leave room for satisfying answers. But I’m here to tell you that all is not lost.

Every Christmas break, I go home to Houston. My most recent trip was the first time I had been since Hurricane Harvey. And in the days following my return to Pennsylvania, friends wanted to know what I saw. I didn’t have much to respond with except for the watchwords of the human story. We rebuild. We heal. We grow. We learn.  

This is what we do in the face of natural disaster. It too is what we can do in the face of psychosocial trauma. But it’s going to take some time.

Unfortunately, I have found myself in the position of consulting a number of institutions enduring the perpetration of prejudicial affronts, most frequently concerning rampant sexism, homophobia, and racism. The biggest mistake I see is the grab for a big fix or antidote to make the situation go away. I have to explain that trauma is an immediate crisis that takes hold of us for the long haul, so our job is to equip our communities to rebuild, heal, grow, and learn as best as we can manage, moment by moment, day by day.

For teachers, this means reminding ourselves and our students that the more we know, the better we can manage the crisis before us. When life happens, I tell myself to adhere to the following protocol step by step.

Gather your composure. Find your footing even in the midst of your insecurity. Claim your own humanity—the right to feel, the right to hurt, the right to grieve. Eat nutrient-rich foods. Drink plenty of water. Meditate, do jumping jacks, practice yoga, or walk around the block. Your first step is to regain your sense of self.

Reconnect. Take a moment to let a trusted colleague or companion know that you’re about to go into the fray. You have a community. A simple text message or phone call can remind you that you’re not alone.

Lower the bar. When it’s go time, your job today is to “be you” and “do you” with the students. This will equip them with the confidence to do the same. Before you know it, you will fall back into the role of teacher. They will fall back into the role of student. And you’ll together develop a new stasis.

Preach what you have practiced. Have your students take a few minutes to do a version of what you have just done. Lead them in a moment of silence or even a quick stretch-break. Let people grab a drink of water and return to class. Let them check in with each other as they trickle back into the room. Your acknowledgment of their humanity will go a long way in garnering the trust you’ll need for the day.

Teach the moment. Present what you understand about the situation and contextualize it in light of what you know as teacher-scholar. Then take a few moments to show how you’re learning. In so doing, you’ll remind students that they are not the sum of their emotions. They are also learners with skills and proficiencies to help them grapple with the day beyond what they could have done prior to class. It also solidifies a basis for community-building amidst the new state of affairs.

From here, you have a “we” with which to work. Come together around a whiteboard and make a list of questions that you all want to pursue as a class. Name the resources you might consult in the coming days in your search for more information. Excavate your syllabus to see not whether there’s anything of use, but what can be used in the moments ahead. Better questions lead to better possibilities.

The work you have put in—together— will bear fruit in the days to come. I know now what else to ask for in the midst of trauma. But until then, use the learning process as a vehicle to position yourselves in renewed strength and community.

Dr. Richard Newton is an Assistant Professor of Religious Studies at Elizabethtown College. He offers courses in New Testament, African American Religions, Islam, and Theories & Methods in Religious Studies. His seminars examine the intersection of religion and identity (e.g. Ethnicity, Gender, & Religion, and the Bible & Race in the USA, ). Newton's scholarship revolves around the politics of scripture-making. Active in the academic blogosphere, he curates the student-scholar magazine  Sowing the Seed: Fruitful Conversations on Religion, Culture, and Teaching  and hosts the podcast  Broadcast Seeding: Future Food for Thought . 

Good soul care for ministers includes both appropriate self-awareness – watching over our hearts, and good rhythms – and watching over the patterns of our lives that reflect our true values. Healthy hearts and healthy souls mean healthy lives and ministry.

I have deliberately chosen the word “rhythms” rather than "disciplines" because of the organic nature that the word represents. In music, rhythm is “an ordered alternation of contrasting elements.” Good rhythms in ministry allow us to account for the realities we all face, and keep us from a rigid approach to our discipleship that can far too often create shame rather than joy and freedom.  Rhythms reflect the ebb and flow of life under grace.

In order to address the issues of isolation and loneliness in ministry, we must consider the rhythm between solitude and community.
 

SOLITUDE AND COMMUNITY

I can be alone in a group. I jokingly refer to my “people quotient”. I am energized by being alone. But there is a danger in isolation. My own story is a clear example of the dangers of being isolated from others. Without authentic relationships, my secret sin was allowed to fester until it became unmanageable and led to my exit from ministry.

Many of us in ministry are dangerously isolated – perhaps not because of a lack of proximity to others, but because we lack those significant, authentic relationships. This is the loneliness and isolation of many ministers and spouses.

We need the rhythm of both solitude and community to combat isolation and loneliness.
 

Solitude

Solitude is different from isolation. It is an intentional “coming apart” as Jesus advised, in order to hear God. Jesus planned times of intentional aloneness with the Father. (Mt 14:23, Mk 1:35)

Solitude is that time and place where we find, as John Ortberg has said, “that your existence is larger than your job at church.”

Being alone with God, in solitude, is a Place and Time to remember who I am and to confront the real issues of my heart. One of the clearest examples of this in my own life occurred when I was on a personal retreat at a local Jesuit retreat center. Walking through the “stations of the cross” in the outside gardens, I came to the one where Jesus asked the Father, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” In that moment of solitude, God was able to speak into my own feelings of abandonment, carried with me from when I was a child – feelings that affected a good deal of how I treated others. In the cry of Jesus, I knew that he understood my pain. Without the time alone, I never would have experienced God’s healing touch in my heart.

Solitude can be a time when we fast from things, people, and all the outer props of our lives; including technology. (R. Foster)

But we must be careful here. We do not live only in those internal moments. There is a reason Jesus created the Church, the physical expression of His Body here on earth. As ministers, we live much of our lives between our ears. The contrasting element to solitude is community – the other element necessary for overcoming isolation and loneliness. Being alone needs to prepare us to be with others.
 

Community

Ministers and their families need genuine community. We may preach it to our congregations. But we can avoid it for ourselves. Ministry happens in community and we need it for our souls to be healthy.

Jesus desired that Peter, James and John share with him in his times of glory (on the mountain) and in his deep sorrow (in the Garden)

Paul longed for the company of his companions while in prison.

Community is a word that is very popular right now. With it has come a greater willingness of some ministers to be more open about their own challenges from the pulpit. While I am grateful for that, the deeper issue is: Are there those who really know us? Do we avoid real and authentic relationships for ourselves out of fear or pride?

Are there people we can be unfettered with; who can advocate God’s presence and grace to us?

Ministers need others to remind them who they really are – because we can forget that we are human beings first, disciples second and ministers third. All of us need people who can speak God’s truth and grace into our lives and take us back to the Gospel for US!

I am used to being a lone ranger. But understanding that I need others in my life caused me to create an advisory team when I returned to ministry life. This small group of men know me, and I can be transparent with them. One of the greatest joy’s in my life is that, where once I had none, now I have friends.

Where is that place, and who are the people with whom you can be fully known without secrets? Can sit with them and confess, “Here is what I am most ashamed of”, and experience grace, forgiveness and healing! I believe that James 5:16 is the most avoided passage of Scripture I know. Yet the work of confession – of bringing our faults and sins into the light – is vital for the health of our souls. Personal confession is good. But real healing takes place in that community activity of speaking and hearing in the presence of others. Being authentic at this level will allow us to be authentic in other relationships both inside and outside of our congregations.

It is important that we nurture this kind of community with our spouses. They are a “help” fit for you (Gen. 2:18). They are on this journey with you. Then you must find those folks – within and outside your congregation that can be your friends. Starting today, I challenge you to reach out and find one other person to begin with.
 
In the rhythm of solitude and community, we can find a lasting answer to the problems of isolation and loneliness in ministry.

 For more information on pastoral renewal and restoration, please visit our website at www.pirministries.org, or contact us at info@pirministries.org.
 
PIR Ministries
PO Box 64934
Virginia Beach VA 23467

We see it time and again.
 
Whether you have been blindsided by a leadership decision or experienced a slow “death spiral” in a ministry role, the spiritual and emotional toll of a forced exit is great. Trauma is not too drastic of a word to use to describe what ministers and their families encounter when they are fired, forced to resign or find themselves at the mercy of a leadership coup.
 
By definition, trauma is a deeply distressing experience or event that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope. It is often accompanied by a constant reliving of the event, anger, anxiety, loss of self-esteem and fatigue. These are the very symptoms we observe when we sit down to talk with those who have been exited.

• Trust is deeply wounded – “Why would people do this?” “Where was God?”
• Doubt colors the sense of calling, giftedness and worth. Pastors begin to see themselves as "damaged goods."
• Anger and fear begin to dominate relationships; and show up in unexpected ways.

 
And the ministers spouse and children? Many consider walking back through the doors of a church unthinkable.
 
In many ways, a forced exit from a ministry role may not seem much different from any other job loss. But the differences are real and can be dramatic. There is a deep spiritual and emotional connection that exists between ministers and their calling. There is also a deep connection that can, and should, grow between ministers and the fellowship of people they serve. This is, perhaps, one of the most significant differences. When a minister is forced out of their role it goes beyond merely losing a job. The typical support relationships that would help someone through any job transition are suddenly and traumatically ended for ministers and their families. Where can ministry leaders go and who can they talk with to process the loss and grief when an exit occurs?
 
It is vital that we acknowledge the reality of spiritual and emotional trauma in cases of forced ministry exit. Otherwise, we can be tempted to minimize or even deny the long-term effects this kind of experience creates. In the introduction to her book Moving On - Surviving the Grief of Forced Termination, Deanna Harrison recounts her own experience with this kind of trauma.
 
"For reasons beyond our comprehension, our 30+ years of pastoral ministry came to an abrupt halt. I was still married to the same godly man of integrity but he was no longer a pastor. I was no longer a pastor’s wife. Within days of learning anything was wrong, it was all over. We had been terminated. Our lives shattered as we plunged into a grief so deep I wondered if we would survive."
 
For the ministry family, a particularly traumatic exit can create an emotional and spiritual "toxicity" that is carried into the next role if left unattended. Churches begin to see themselves as "employers,” making arm’s length business decisions without understanding how such exits not only change the life of a ministry family, but also the very fabric of the church culture. Every time a minister or ministry leader leaves or is let go, there is a measure of grief and loss for all involved. Forced exits come packed with a level of trauma that can feel like a tsunami.
 
Studies have shown that most ministers who experience a forced exit take a minimum of 18 months to return to an active role - and 40% never return. In every case, the first step in healing hearts wounded by an exit is accepting the reality of the spiritual and emotional trauma. The next step is to connect with those who have the tools and processes to help ministry families navigate through the dark waters after an exit. These people and ministries exist, and are equipped to offer hope when all seems lost.
 
If you, or someone you know, is in the midst of a season of grief following a forced termination, it is important to take these two steps as soon as possible. The trauma is real. But so is Hope. You can begin by contacting us at info@pirministries.org.

Congregational care, which often begins as a blessing, can slowly become a burden due to stress, poor self-care, and excessive interpersonal and vocational demands.  How, then, can we re-ignite our passion for congregational care after burnout and compassion fatigue?


Here are four areas where you can begin to practice intentional change and convert congregational care back from a burden into a blessing:


1. Take a break

• Breaks are often overlooked because it may impede the perception of progress, achievement, and performance.  However, breaks are an essential aspect of self-care. 

2. Change things up:

• Leadership
  • Include new and different faces in the same activities.  New people and groups can be like a breath of fresh air that revitalize repetitious activities.  In addition, new people can lead to new ideas and perspectives.  This can organically vitalize your practices of care.
• Location
  • A change of scenery can reinvigorate practices of care.  For example, if you regularly meet at your office, go out for a cup of coffee or ice cream.
  • Be adventurous.  The mind can grow numb with repetition.  Thinking outside the box is a way to provide the same services – congregational care – in new environments and creative ways.
• Structure, format, and program
  • Change the structure, format, or program offered.  The practice of care, when it is done repeatedly, can become instinctual.  We often times act without thinking about what we are doing.  Changing the structure, program, or format can help to reinvigorate the work of care.

3. Read a book

• This is related to the first point: taking a break.  Taking a break allows you to take a step back and gain a fresh perspective.  Part of this task may require reading material from others in your field.  By doing this, you can feel more connected with others who are going through the same struggles and you can get new ideas for your practice.

4. Use your imagination and be intentional

• Positivity and negativity are  two categories in the mind.  Think of them like dogs – the one you feed the most will be the most dominant.  If you feed the dog of negativity then negativity may become a dominant experience.  Monitoring feeding schedules can become a difficult task – so it requires self-monitoring, self-awareness, and persevering practice.  When you catch yourself, do not shame or guilt yourself but instead choose to stop what you are doing and do something different.
• Pretend you’re an actress or actor.  This may seem silly, but when you are feeling down, consider how the ideal positive person would act.  What would they think?  What would they do?  How would they respond?  Then, pretend you are that person.  This is not a “fake-it-till-you-make-it” it is a “do-it-till-you-feel-it”. 
• If you work at a desk then try out this activity.  Every time you have a negative thought, write it down and throw it in the wastebasket.  Then, write down an opposite thought, one that is positive and affirming.  Post this to your desk or workspace.  Take a break to think about this instead of the negative thought you just got rid of.

A member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, Joseph Kim Paxton is an ICTG Advisor while pursuing doctoral degrees in Practical Theology at the Claremont School of Theology and Clinical Psychology at Pepperdine University. His current research areas include clinical-community psychology, pastoral care, social scientific approaches to biblical interpretation, group processes, spiritual struggle, coping, and attitudes.

Read all of Joe's blogs here.