Years ago and miles away, I once served a large church that held an annual Vacation Bible School (VBS). Because it was free for the community, the draw for this particular VBS was huge: there were hundreds of registered children, most from outside the regular worshiping population. It was an opportunity to create new relationships and minister to kids who wouldn’t normally hear about the love of God.
 
One particular year, the church staff was alerted to an unusual conversation a volunteer had with a young child during the Bible rotation. The lesson on the creation story had just ended, and the volunteers were having small group discussions with their kids. When asked, “How do you think God felt when Adam and Eve disobeyed,” one child responded, “Mad, like how my mom gets mad when she…” And the child trailed off. The volunteer raised an issue with the church’s minister, and the minister took action from there to investigate the situation.
 
Among many things this church did well, one of their particular strengths was their child protection policy. A clearly articulated set of policies on the safety of children at the church, the child protection policy had been authorized by their church’s board, utilized consistently across all program areas, and – crucially – it had been communicated to every volunteer, at every training meeting, every time.
 
That’s why this particular volunteer knew that the young child’s statement amounted to a red flag: she had been trained. That’s why the minister in charge escalated the situation to protect the safety of the child in question: he had been trained. And that’s why the child’s name doesn’t appear in this post, why some of the details of this story have been changed, and why I am writing about it now: I, too, have been trained.
 
The necessity of training like this is at the core of the new resource from GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment): The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide for Churches and Ministries. This book provides an in-depth, practical guide to creating a Child Protection Policy, covering both the legal and theological ramifications as well as providing specific tools that assist in the Policy’s creation.
 
As children’s ministers, we believe our calling is of great importance. We know that children are sacred, that there is a spark of the divine within them from which we are all commanded to learn. No children’s minister ever thinks child abuse will be an issue their ministry has to address. And yet, how many of our churches operate without a codified Child Protection Policy in place? We are so busy crafting programs, writing curricula, and recruiting volunteers that we assume our ministries are safe, that our children are protected.
 
The reality is that we cannot protect every child every minute of every day. The kids who walk through our doors have their own lives, their own situations. If we are to be congregations where children are welcomed and loved for who they are, then the very least we can do is ensure that our congregations are safe and secure places for those kids.
 
That what makes The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide such an important resource. It acknowledges the realities of day-to-day ministry while still lifting up the importance of creating and implementing a child protection policy. It moves from defining what abuse is and what effective protective practices are to the realities of reporting abuse and walking with survivors through the trauma.
 
What makes this resource stand out are the “policy worksheets” provided at the end of every chapter. We’re children’s ministers, not lawyers, and while we might acknowledge the importance of a child protection policy, the particularities of crafting such a policy can seem daunting. The “policy worksheets” in The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide help define exactly what your congregation needs from a policy. It points to state resources and definitions, it asks pointed questions about your theological and ethical commitments, and by the end, you have language that could be part of an effective policy.
 
A child protection policy is not about restricting what we as ministers can do in our programs. Instead, a policy frees us to recruit and train volunteers, engage with families, and create relationships with children in the context of a safe and secure environment. Our ministry is made better when we have a child protection policy in place.
 
When our kids are protected, we are fulfilling our calls as children’s ministers. These kids belong to God, and it is our duty to take care of them as a part of the creation that God calls “good.” Resources like The Child Safeguarding Policy Guide help us to fulfill that call, to give every child a place where they can go and feel safe, secure, and loved.

As the blue sky and cool breezes flow through Central Virginia, healing and peace attempt to shine through amid the haze of hate shown during the weekend of August 12. I’m blessed to be in a community where clergy and laypersons have come together not to talk politics so much as to unite to offer resources that soothe the souls of those traumatized.
 
I am so grateful to ICTG for all the work, modules, and videos they produce. I am excited to learn and grow and to share this great mission with congregations and the community.

As I work through the various modules, beginning with the General Ministry Guide and the Phases of Collective Trauma, I see how they will be extremely helpful to congregations and community members in mapping where they are in their response to their situations. These resource also provide a roadmap for anticipating next steps and the blessing of restoration and peace as they reach the Wiser Living Phase.
 
Please keep Charlottesville in your prayers. There is still much to do, but together we can heal and be restored.
 
Below are a few of the resources offered to students at the University of Virginia and to the Charlottesville community as a whole:
 
https://www.togethercville.net/healing-cville/
 
http://news.virginia.edu/content/wake-unrest-expert-offers-students-advice-ways-cope-and-thrive


*Did you know your financial gifts help support ICTG's unique learning-serving internships? ICTG interns receive one-on-one coaching and are expected to complete projects related to their pastoral or community leadership interests. This post was written by our current intern, Rev. Carolyn Mitchell Dillard. You can help support our internship program by donating here.

Perhaps your faith community is ready to be more discerning in your daily life and work. But after reading about discernment, it all feels too daunting. Sometimes groups look at discernment processes and think:

1. This will take forever.
2. I have no idea how to implement these processes.

It can seem overwhelming at first. And though discernment is a contemplative process, it doesn’t have to take forever. Help is out there. You don’t have to do it alone or without adequate resources.

If you are a leader of a faith community and feel confident after researching and reading up on discernment processes that you can lead, then lead boldly! As long as the group is praying, taking adequate silence for grounding and listening, and committed to following the process it will be rewarding. Even if coming to a decision is difficult, the group will have learned a valuable spiritual discipline.

If you need help, find a spiritual director who is experienced and excited about the practice of discernment. Spiritual directors are trained in the art of deep listening and spiritual guidance. Most of us studied discernment in our formation and training programs and do a lot of discernment work with individuals. It takes some adapting do to the work with groups, but if the person has done group work, such as group spiritual direction, they can handle it. The best listing of spiritual directors worldwide is the “Seek and Find Guide” on the Spiritual Directors International website. You may have to call a few directors in your area to find the right one but it’s worth the effort.

For communities wanting to use the Quaker clearness committee process, inquire with your local Quaker meeting house for the name of someone who might be willing to clerk a session for you. Quakers use the clearness process for their business meetings, so they should have plenty of people skilled in helping you. Some spiritual directors are also trained in facilitating clearness processes.

Communities who want to follow an Ignatian process for discernment have a lot of options as well. If there are Jesuits in your area, contact one of them for information. Spiritual directors from many faith traditions have learned Ignatian principles for discernment in training programs, so you are not limited to finding a Jesuit facilitator.

Perhaps you want to read more about the spiritual practice of discernment and how to use it with your faith community. Here is a list of books and resources on this topic:
* Support ICTG with your purchase through their AmazonSmile portal.

Discernment: The Art of Choosing Well, Pierre Wolf.

Listening Hearts, Suzanne Farnham et al.

Grounded in God: Listening Hearts Discernment for Group Deliberations, Suzanne Farnham, et al.

Guidelines for Communal Discernment, Victoria G. Curtiss.

The Way of Discernment: Spiritual Practices for Decision Making, Elizabeth Liebert.

What God Wants for Your Life, Frederick Schmidt.
 
The Discerning Heart: Discovering a Personal God, Maureen Conroy.

Holy Play: The Joyful Adventure of Unleashing Your Divine Purpose, Kirk Byron Jones.

Sacred Compass, Brent Bill.

A Hidden Wholeness, Parker Palmer.

Hearing with the Heart: A Gentle Guide to Discerning God’s Will for Your Life. Debra K. Farrington.

Practicing Discernment Together: Finding God’s Way Forward in Decision Making, Lon Fendall, Jan Wood and Bruce Bishop.

Weeds Among the Wheat: Where Prayer and Action Meet, Thomas Green.

A Guide to Spiritual Discernment, Reuben Job.

A Sacred Voice is Calling: Personal Vocation and Social Conscience, John Neafsey.

Discernment: A Study in Ecstasy and Evil, Morton Kelsey.

Listening to the Music of the Spirit: The Art of Discernment, David Lonsdale.

Sharing Wisdom: A Process for Group Decision Making, Mary Benet McKinney.

Discerning God's Will Together: A Spiritual Practice for the Church, Danny Morris and Charles Olsen.

Transforming Church Boards into Communities of Spiritual Leaders, Charles Olsen.

Faithful Listening: Discernment in Everyday Life, Joan Mueller.

50 Ways to Pray, Teresa Blythe (see the chapter on Discernment).

I wish you all the best as your community faces its most important questions with the spiritual practice of discernment. I welcome any questions you may have. You may contact me at teresa@teresablythe.net.

Follow the series:
Part I - Finding a way forward: the practice of discernment for congregational health
Part II - Discernment Principles in Action



* Looking for a coach or spiritual director for your discernment process?
Visit the ICTG Coaching and Spiritual Direction page here>

In recent years, I have incorporated the practice of doing a “check-in” at the beginning of any meeting I am leading.  The format of this process is to have a participant answer the below three questions and then turn to another group member and ask them the same three questions. The questions are:

1. How are you feeling?
2. What is your goal in this particular encounter/meeting?
3. Who can help you achieve your goal here in this group?

They are simple, yet amazingly profound questions, designed around our need for basic safety and our brain's way of achieving this for us.  The questions speak to how the emotional and rational parts of our brain show up in work life.

I have used this check-in format in small and large meetings. Renate, the person quoted above, was in a training for 60 people.  For Renate’s group, we demonstrated the method and then had them break into small groups of five or so to check in.  At Hopeworks, we began each day with this. In my current work at St. John’s Jesuit High School, I begin all of my meetings with this format.  Once you get into it, it simply unfolds.
 
The first question is meant to locate the person in their body.  When asked, "How are you feeling?" one is not allowed to answer “good, fine, okay, etc.”  These are understood as “outlaw words.”  Instead, this question provides a moment to sink into how one is feeling in the "here and now" of the current moment and to name that feeling.  I have repeatedly found that when someone first says "good" and then is asked for clarification something much more “fleshy” emerges.  "Good," becomes “I’m exhausted, stressed, excited or overwhelmed.”  This is a very different response than the polite deflection of “good.” 

Bringing oneself into a meeting, into a space, is about showing up with one’s whole self---including one’s emotional brain.  Starting with a check-in creates space for the body, for emotions, and most importantly for practically acknowledging the emotional contents of our lives.  When this space and time for reflection is created, it is easier for meeting participants to have access to their rational brain, enabling them to be more focused on the tasks at hand.

The second question (What is your goal in this particular encounter/meeting?) makes the move from the emotional brain to the rational brain.  In asking a person to name a goal—specifically to this meeting—the orientation is to the "here and now" of the moment.  General goals, like "accomplishing all of my tasks" or "achieving work-life balance", are discouraged.  Rather, the question is: "What do you need to accomplish in this meeting?"  Is it a task, a piece of information or something concrete that you need to learn?  Perhaps the answer is: “I want to get clarity on the date of our next meeting.”  Or, “I need to ask for help with this customer.”  The expressed goal is germane, specific, and explicit to the meeting. 

In identifying their goal, the person is accessing their  executive function. This is only possible when their emotional brain is regulated.  If a person is upset by something that happened and they are brimming with feelings, then the possibility for a reenactment—where the "there and then" of the past is brought into the "here and now" of the room —is minimized.  We are transported into this “here and now” by acknowledging the task at hand.  I have been in many groups where this specificity is difficult to achieve—it takes practice to be present in the moment and to not to live the past.
 
Finally, after naming the task that a person wants to achieve, the person is asked who in the room can be a resource for achieving their goal.  This question facilitates the safety of all in the room.  Asking this question localizes resources in the present, affirming that there is help in this "here and now" and connects people to each other. Answering this question also calls out the belief that if I am feeling “a certain kinda way” then all else is off the board—that is, that having feelings trumps action.  Working through these three questions affirms that feelings are a part of life AND that we can still work at what needs to be done.  

This three-question check-in is a practical way to guide meeting participants into the “here and now.”  All too often, when when working with individuals who have high ACE scores, individuals who have just experienced trauma, or organizations going through tough changes (layoffs, cuts, market forces), the “there and then” enters the room and overwhelms the  “here and now.”  By checking in with ourselves and each other, we can begin to build a resilient, repetitive process of check-in rooted in the "here and now".
 
As Renate writes:

So, how are you feeling? What is your goal and who can help you achieve it?

In the aftermath of collective trauma, four general phases of response tend to occur. ICTG refers to these phases as Heroic, Disillusionment, Rebuilding and Restoration, and Wiser Living.

First responders began noticing these patterns anecdotally following natural storms, and created a chart that looks similar to a heart beat scan. Since the first chart was produced, various groups have adjusted it over the year. You can learn more about this evolution here.

​Below is ICTG's current version of the chart. 

The chart is best used as a conversation tool. It is a visual aid to help survivors find language together for what they experience in the aftermath of trauma. When discussing these phases and how they compare to lived experience, groups often find their members feel they are at different points along the scale. Yet, at the same time, leaders also sense how a congregation – as a whole – generally moves through these phases, too.

The chart is not prescriptive. Every trauma is unique, just as every healing process is unique. Still, common experiences exist.

Often, in the aftermath of trauma, survivors experience tunnel vision. It becomes hard to care about or receive anything else beyond the minimal scope of what's occurred. Because of this tunnel vision, survivors often loose sight of how fellow survivors may be grieving or healing at different paces. This chart, when discussed in a group, can help members discovered how similar or different they feel or think about what's happened. 

Generally, the chart represents 18-24 months span. Some groups find it takes even longer than two years to resume a sense of "new normal," while other groups may move more quickly through the phases. 


The Heroic Phase

Instantly, after sudden impact, many people are filled with hormones and senses of urgency to respond. Helpers rush in. Survivors get out of harm's way, if possible. Food and lodging are provided. Medical, psychological first aid is administered. Spiritual and emotional care are offered. 

This phase also can cause more problems. Information can be misconstrued or mishandled. Details are lost or forgotten. Too many material donations are provided or too many unaffiliated volunteers appear, creating disasters within disasters. 

This is the time when everything is "heightened" and "on edge" for many reasons. 


Disillusionment

This phase acknowledging what happened. Not just with words. But in our bodies, minds, hearts, and spirits. At some point, survivors begin to realize there is nothing they can physically do to change the fact that the trauma occurred. 


Turning toward Restoration and Rebuilding

Somewhere during and after honestly acknowledging what's happened, survivors may feel a sense of "and yet". It's the point where the tunnel vision begins to expand – a sense of this trauma is not the only thing going on in the world, and there is something bigger than our own experience or ourselves at work. It is a point where a glimmer of hope may appear. 

When talking with faith groups, we often share how an example of this turning occurs in the Bible, Lamentations 3. For the first two and a half chapters, the author of Lamentations has been railing at God about all the terrible things that have gone on. Then, part way through the third chapter, the author says, "And yet, God is sovereign." This point of acknowledging how both experiences are real – of horror and of goodness – becomes a solid foundation to begin rebuilding and restoring what has been lost or destroyed. Preempted efforts to rebuild before this critical turn has occurred often do not have lasting effect. Yet, the challenge, in order to be a true foundation, this point must occur genuinely, or be invited hospitably, and not be forced. 


Restoration and Rebuilding

This phase mostly involves forward momentum. The loss has not been forgotten, but grief is not so burdensome. There are breaths of fresh air, and some inspired vision. There even are hours or days when survivors find themselves not thinking about their loss so much. But then, an anniversary comes up, a graduation a loved one was supposed to be at, or a favorite song on the radio, and suddenly a survivor is consumed with the loss all over again. Still, life continues to move along, and some senses of joy appear again. 


Wiser Living

After about 18 to 24 months, survivors experience some sense of "new normal." Life has some regularity and ordinary rhythm to it. We call this time "wiser living," because this new normal also involves a sense that life now includes this particular loss. It is not just the kind of loss that happens out there, to other people. It happens here, and to us. Survivors now know, very personally in their bodies, minds, hearts, and souls, what life is like with this loss. They are changed from who they were before this event ever occurred. They are wiser.