Fearless Dialogues, Inc. is a grassroots non-profit initiative committed to creating unique spaces for unlikely partners to engage in hard, heartfelt conversations that see gifts in others, hear value in stories, and work for change and positive transformation in self and other. 
 
The organization was founded by Dr. Gregory C. Ellison, II,  an Assistant Professor of Pastoral Care at Candler School of Theology at Emory University and an ICTG Advisor. Dr. Ellison’s first book, Cut Dead But Still Alive, addresses delivering pastoral care to young African American men who are too often rendered invisible in society. During Dr. Ellison's speaking tour for the the book in 2013, he discovered that the experience of being silenced resonated with everyone he encountered. He decided to create space for people to have conversations where fear would be lessened. Thus, Fearless Dialogues was born. Fearless Dialogues, the book, will be released in October 2017.
 
The organization has hosted almost 100 events in five countries and has served over 15,000 people. A Fearless Dialogue encounter hinges on the following:

• Radical hospitality lessens anxiety, reduces power differences, and levels the playing field for hard conversations to occur.
• Artistic mediums, including visual art, spoken word poetry, and live music, re-frames sterile and hostile environments as spaces for lively and engaging interaction.
• Theory and research-based exercises (called “experiments”) heighten awareness, enhance vulnerable truth-sharing, and foster connections.

I have had the distinct pleasure of working with Dr. Ellison for over three years. He was my pastoral care professor in my very first class at Candler School of Theology. His energized pedagogy made his class an amazing experience. We dug deep into each subject, and learned how to engage with the world around us with an ethic of care. We were taught to honor humanity. I became a fan of anything and everything Dr. Ellison did and believe he has one of the most brilliant and innovative minds of our times. I became his research assistant and worked on several projects with him.

If you want to experience Fearless Dialogues, I encourage you to visit the website and explore how your organization can engage in this life altering encounter. 

The five things I have experienced in Fearless Dialogues that have changed my life are listed below. In working with marginalized communities, and with people who have experienced trauma,  it is important to keep these five components in mind:

Gifts: I learned that I had gifts that could contribute positively to the world around me and not just my life. I learned that by sharing my gifts I could enhance the lives of those around me. The organization values the gifts of the staff as well as the gifts of those who attend their events. It is a collaborative environment that innovatively enlivens the gifts within us. For practitioners reading this, you must see the person you serve as valuable and as having something to offer to world. You must not engage in patronizing the person.

Seeing: Through art and experiential exercises, Fearless Dialogues helps people see each other beyond the surface. The process helps people see the commonality of human pain and suffering. Participants observe and experience new epiphanies through seeing with eyes that perceive the emotions of others. For practitioners reading this,  you must see the person you serve with eyes that see beyond the surface and try to find a commonality of emotional experience between you and what the other’s experiences. 

Hearing: Participants engage in non-combative narrative exchanges that, combined with the seeing component, creates healthy introspection and self-reflection. This results in viewing and hearing difference through a new lens. As we say, “Once you see, you cannot not see.” For practitioners reading this, you must hear the narrative of the person you are serving to make sure that the person feels heard. You must also cull the appropriate parts of the person’s story to provide an adequate response of care to the person.

Care: Every experience at Fearless Dialogues operates based on sound theory and with an ethic of care and dignity. People are the most important factor, as demonstrated within the organization and in its interactions with the public. Hospitality, dignity, and connectedness are celebrated. For practitioners reading this, you must activate care within yourself by not being callous or overwhelmed, and by serving those who have experienced trauma with gentleness and kindness.

Integrity: What happens in a Fearless Dialogues workshop also happens in a Fearless Dialogues training and behind the scenes of the organization. Each module that the organization presents is based on an ethic of excellence, creativity and consistency. For practitioners reading this, you cannot switch “care” off when no one is watching. There must be seamless flow between your soul and your role as caregiver.

These are my takeaways from working with Fearless Dialogues for three years. Everything I learned in this amazing organization informs the work I do today as a leadership development coach. I continue to closely follow Dr. Ellison's work and recommend you do too.

To schedule a Fearless Dialogues experience, please email them here and refer to this article.

I recently spoke on an interfaith dialogues panel for a conference of a Christian mainline denomination. The goal of this panel was to educate the audience, mostly conservative white male pastors, on what interfaith dialogues are and how to introduce this concept to their congregations.
 
After a couple of hours of the panel speaking, mostly to each other, an exasperated pastor said, “Look, can I be honest? If in my sermon, I say Jesus did something radical, like he would have been nice to a Muslim or something, I lose five members that day! All you are telling me sounds nice and good but it is not practical.”
 
Most of the other pastors in attendance nodded their heads in silent agreement.
 
I thanked the pastor for being honest about it and I could see he was visibly struggling. His face softened with the affirmation and I asked for his permission to ask him a provocative question. He said, “Go ahead. What do I have to lose?”
 
I said, “How many friends do you have personally of a different faith? How many refugees do you know by name? How many African Americans do you know personally who do not work for you?”
 
His face was a blank stare. He held my gaze for a few moments and turned his head downwards to look at his shoes.
 
I quickly moved on to the audience and asked them to challenge themselves the same way. I think I noticed quite a bit of squirming.
 
After the panel was over, I walked over to this pastor and asked his name and looked him in the eye and told him that these were some of the questions I have had to ask other pastors. I told him that the reason I could ask these questions is that I have the luxury of being born into such diversity and that I never had to be challenged with such questions.
 
My mother was white American. My father was of the Yoruba tribe from Nigeria. My paternal grandfather was a Rabbi. My sister in law is a Muslim. My mother was an agnostic. My father was an atheist. I grew up in a country where Muslims and Christians live side by side with no religious disputes until recently. I have a family member exploring Buddhism and, like I often say, “I came out the womb loving Jesus.”
 
I said to the pastor, “I probably take for granted how difficult diversity can be for those that are not graced with it like I am.”
 
He laughed out loud, grateful for the levity. We talked about how proximity is the healing balm that creates relationships with people of diverse backgrounds. We also talked about changing the narrative of defining the “other.”  I explained to him that when he preaches and admonishes his parishioners to, “Go out there and make friends with a stranger,” that is still “othering” the stranger. I encouraged him to revisit the word “stranger” and replace it with “neighbor.”
 
I pointed out that when the stranger becomes a friend and he introduces his friend to his congregation by saying, “This friend of mine who is an Imam said...” then he has brought the “other” into the fold and made him a neighbor.
 
Of course, this wonderful pastor himself has done a lot of volunteer work in the refugee community and is a kind and generous man. His openness was refreshing and he listened to what I shared. The language of turning a “stranger” into a “neighbor” was the shift he needed.
 
This interaction showed me the necessity for interfaith communication today. We have become so polarized that we no longer want to take any risk to know our neighbors, our political opponents, and even new Americans such as refugees and immigrants.
 
Here are some steps that ministers can take to soften the polarity the entire country is currently experiencing politically in their own communities of faith:

1. Name the problem: Address the issue. It is not going away. Speak about the polarity and the need for solidarity in these times. Speak about the temples and the mosques that are being desecrated throughout the country. Speak about how you are processing this information. You do not always have to appear to have it all together and pretend to have all the answers all the time. Show your congregation your humanity by wrestling with these issues in an open way. This shows them that it is normal to wrestle with such issues. It shows them that dialogue is healthy. It shows them the emotional process that all humans go through when they choose to wrestle with their ethics and sense of personhood. This is an act of necessary courage.
   
2. Encourage proximity: First do it for yourself and then be an example to your congregation. I wonder if there is a rabbi out there who just picks up the phone and calls a mosque in the nearest city and says, “I am a rabbi and I am at congregation such and such. I would like to meet with the Imam of your mosque for coffee one day. I just want to be a friendly neighbor.” This is how proximity starts and turns strangers into neighbors. The news is no longer a reliable intermediary between distinct groups in the same city. We must be the reliable originators of communication. And, we must begin to form new relationships with people that we never considered before.
3. Change the narrative: Famed civil rights attorney Bryan Stevenson talks about how many years ago, alcoholics were considered degenerate members of society. Today, we speak of them as having an illness and there is much more support for alcoholics. This is a prime example of a changed narrative. What is the narrative you are telling yourself and others about “those people?” Our narrative, as members of Abrahamic religions, must be based on hospitality towards the stranger. My last count came up with over 36 references to “welcoming the stranger” in the Old Testament alone. Our narrative cannot be consistent with our sacred texts while we hold “the stranger” at bay. As you observe and change your own internal dialogue, you will then become a pioneer in your community helping to changing the societal dialogue about “us” by including the stranger as neighbor.
   

 
In my work as a leadership development coach, I find that faith leaders often lead themselves out of the equation. They are trying to take their congregation to the mountaintop and sometimes, they leave themselves out of the process. Leadership starts with you making a change. If a leader does not do his or her work, then his or her people have no one to emulate. It is challenging and it is hard but it is necessary for the health of your congregation.

* Are you an ordained or lay leader looking for coaching? Visit the ICTG Coaching and Spiritual Direction page here>