The emotional challenges of ministry life are real! Few vocations rival the emotional and spiritual weight that those in ministry carry- the result of being on the front lines in the brokenness of our world.

These challenges can be intense and constant. Much like those in emergency response roles (the “first responders”), the grief that clergy encounter in crisis situations can be crushing to the most optimistic spirit. In the daily and weekly work of caring for souls, the pain, griefs, and disappointments run like dripping water over the heart and soul. Over time, a deep spiritual and emotional erosion can occur.

The challenges can also arrive in the form of our own internal dialog. We battle with our own wounds, with tendencies to make ministry “all about us” and with the subtle belief that we are limitless in our capacity to live out this calling.

Regardless of how we experience them, these encounters take their toll. We often feel depleted and, on the edge, wondering why we don’t have the reserves to keep up with even the ordinary rhythms of life.

The founder of PIR Ministries, Dr. Chuck Wickman, wrote about those in ministry who weren’t burned out but “bummed out” - weary, worried, having lost a sense of the meaningfulness of the work they were called to do.

Caring for souls is the primary role that clergy fill – a role that brings them face to face with people in the middle of the mess of life. While the option exists to take a simple clinical approach to these people and problems, most pastors and ministry leaders are wired to invest in people and their growth. We will enter their journey and walk with them in their brokenness. Even the apostle Paul experienced the weight of ministry in this way. “Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?” – 2 Corinthians 11:28-29.

Many of us have seen that the anger, fear, and pain that people feel in their lives end up on our front door instead of where it needs to go. As David Rohrer commented in his book, The Sacred Wilderness of Pastoral Ministry, Often, we are the target of the business people actually need to do with God. It passes through us on its way to him. Both good and bad.

What is a minister to do? How do I handle the grief, the inconsistencies, the challenges to my leadership, the tensions with staff and family, my own fear of not measuring up or getting enough done, the worries over the sustainability of a church or a ministry? How do I deal with the undertow of swimming in the ocean of heartache and pain that is part and parcel of ministry life?

Far too many of us are willing to take the route of ignoring or burying the effect these can have on us; choosing to accept them as “just part of the job.” Unfortunately, the pressure mounts, and we end up in a place where we are not living a life that is our own – a place dominated by the needs of others while our own are minimized. Spiritual, emotional and physical fatigue is the first sign we are not processing these emotional challenges well. Medicating with behaviors that are self and soul destructive is the final stage – signaling that we have lost our sense of who we really are.

We need to think differently about the emotional impact of ministry on our lives if we are going to serve with a whole heart.

I am convinced that there are some foundational truths we need to regularly revisit – truths that can prevent us from being swallowed up by the “inconsolable things” (Zack Eswine) we face in ministry life. Let me suggest two that are helping me offload the weight of ministry life that tends to accumulate in my soul.

Processing with others.
The importance of trusted others who can help us process these deep emotional challenges is vital – whether counselors, mentors, peers or friends. These are our “advocates” –  those who will advocate on our behalf before God in prayer, as well as advocate the grace of God to us in the bleak hours of our soul. As I look back on my own years of pastoral ministry, it makes me sad to remember that I had so very few friends – not by their choice, but mine. This did not serve me well. I am grateful that this is no longer the case.

Embrace both my humanity and the Gospel.
It is far too easy in a ministry role to forget that we are human beings and not human doings. We have bodies that need rest, exercise, and intimacy. We have hearts and souls that need stewarding as much as the ministry tasks on our list. Being human means I must embrace the fact that I have limits; and that my role is not to fix people or the world. Learning to daily immerse myself in the Gospel reminds me that He is the Savior and I have been invited to partner with Him in His work of restoration. The Gospel also allows me to remember who I am – that my identity is not in what I do but in being made in God’s image, lavishly loved by Christ and called to a daily journey with Him.

Leaning into these two truths make it possible for me to take the weight – the griefs and cares -  of ministry life to their true resting place. They belong in God’s hands.

We are living out the most important calling in the world. As ministers and pastors, we are the “first responders” to the chaos, pain and spiritual brokenness that people experience. Sharing in their grief – and experiencing our own – requires that we have a solid foundation in who and what we really are. Without that, the weight of ministry life will slowly consume our passion for the calling God has given us.

Every once in a while, we get a glimpse of the Church doing what it was created for.
 
Any impression or expectation that the Church was – or ever will be – perfect this side of heaven is mistaken. There is plenty of evidence of that in the letters of the Apostle Paul to the early churches. I see it daily in the ministry of clergy renewal and restoration how “less than perfect” we can treat each other – especially our ministers. Instead of shining like a beacon, our representation of Jesus and the Gospel sometimes looks more like a light stuffed tightly under a bushel, duct-taped to the floor, and sat on.
 
But, the very same ministry also provides the chance to see the Church shine like the city on a hill it was meant to be. In the midst of the disappointment and outright anger – from outside as well as from within – the Church does get it right innumerable times and in ways that rarely get noticed.
 
These are the times when the Church shines!
 
There are countless prescriptions offered these days for clergy to help themselves: read this book, go to this conference, try this method. I wonder if it doesn’t buy into and reinforce our American propensity for individualism. Yes, we need to take personal responsibility and grow. But when it comes down to it, you can't fix yourself! Especially when you are mired in a sense of discouragement, failure, or uncertainty.
 
It isn’t unusual for us, as human beings, to want to retreat into personal isolation when we have been hurt; to lick our wounds in private, and protect ourselves from further harm. However, for real healing to come – especially when the wounds have been inflicted by the very community we have been called to serve – it must come within the context of community.
 
In these times, I have seen the Church be the hands and feet of Jesus in the lives of ministry families that have been wounded and forced out of leadership. I’ve watched as clergy and their families have moved from despair to hope, from second-guessing their worth and calling to having their sense of purpose renewed. When a body of believers signs up to become a Refuge Church, they have the opportunity to live out the Gospel and grace of Jesus Christ in front of everyone.
 
Churches that become Refuge Churches, surrounding a ministry family in need, enter into what someone has called the “healing partnership.” It is a partnership between God, the exited ministry family, and the church. It is a partnership that I have seen restore faith in God AND the Church, through love and grace expressed in hospitality, listening, prayer, encouragement and honest relationships. It is a partnership that has helped hundreds of ministry families regain their footing. It is a partnership that lets the Church shine!
 
Cultural battles will continue, imperfect people will continue to be unkind and hurtful, and our brokenness will always be visible. But the last twenty years of my own personal experience – and specifically the last five years in this ministry – have provided me with a different perspective.
 
In one church at a time, with one minister and his family at a time, we at PIR Ministries are honored to be a part of encouraging that partnership; and helping to change the image of the Church. And not just for ministers and church people. It could be that there are those watching – with broken lives and who don’t know this Jesus we serve – who might find a glimmer of hope for themselves as they watch a church become a place of refuge for a wounded or fallen leader. Perhaps, when the Church shines in offering grace and kindness to one of its own, those looking on might be able to sense there is a place for them.
 
“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (Jn. 13:35)
 
Let the Church shine!
 
If you or your church would like to explore becoming a Refuge Church, please visit our website at www.pirministries.org. You can also email us at info@pirministries.org

One of the highest compliments I hear being given to pastors and ministry leaders is that they are “well grounded” in their teaching. It implies that they have committed themselves to the study of Scripture and the formation of good theology. Very important! However, rarely (if ever) have I heard someone acknowledge that a pastor’s life is well grounded. This is very curious to me, especially considering how careful the Apostle Paul is to highlight the importance of being grounded in life as well as teaching in his letter to pastor Timothy.
 
It seems that Paul refuses to let Timothy compartmentalize his faith. Life and doctrine are joined at the hip in pastoral leadership. In the same way that good theology must inform our teaching, there are foundational theological issues that need to inform our lives as ministers.
 
When a candidate for ordination steps forward, I wonder if we should be asking questions like:

• “What will your life in ministry actually look like?”
• “How will you create a framework for ministry life that is grounded in the biblical and theological truths of WHO and WHAT you really are?”

 
These are probably good questions for any ministry leader, no matter what stage they’re at.
 
Like many who deeply desire to serve God in a vocational ministry role, I had forgotten that God was more interested in WHO I was than in WHAT I did for Him. The result was a major crash and burn that did violence to relationships that I cherished, the church I served, and to my own soul. The framework on which I hung my ministry life was far from what I now see shining through the Scriptures. My work as a part of  PIR Ministries  now brings me into contact, every day, with pastors who also seem to lack this vital framework - busy, overwhelmed and living on adrenaline, they attempt to exceed the limits of what their actual life in Christ can sustain.

This goes beyond the practical dos and don’ts of preventing burnout. As Gretchen Ziegenhals recently said:

We need to think deeply and differently about our work and our role.
 
May I invite you to consider with me a framework for ministry that will ground us in a healthy way of life? One that may provide for the flourishing of our own souls and, in turn, the souls of those we shepherd? This framework consists of understanding the following:
 

• You are Human – Do I live conscious of being a created being – a HUMAN being; “crowned with glory and honor” but limited, broken, and redeemed every day? If we will let it, the present sense of our humanity roots us in this truth - there is a God, and I am not Him! This simple realization can transform us from human doings – with an unrealistic belief in our unlimited capacity – into people who live and work in a very human way. We will daily bump up against the sinful defaults of our hearts, our inability to fix things and people and the limits of our own bodies. And that will be OK.
  

 
        “I am a real person who occupies an office.” - David Rohrer
 

• You are a Disciple – Prior to any call to serve there is the call to follow. Sometimes we minister types can forget that the Gospel we preach is the Gospel for US as well.  A recent survey found that 70% of pastors only spent time studying the Word when they are preparing their sermons. If the daily, intentional personal relationship with Jesus is where we are leading people. We probably should get there first! Jesus has always been after our heart, not our performance.
  

 

• You are a Pastor/Minister/Shepherd – This vocational piece is what most pastors and ministers focus on exclusively once we experience a “call” to ministry. But ministry is more than the sermons we preach, the service we give, or the leading we do. We are called to give voice to God’s work in our own life -the whole of it. The Apostle Paul admonished the Philippians to follow not only his words but the things they had seen in him. Vocation is the voice of my life – human, disciple, servant.
  

 
        “As pastors, we must be in God for the world, not in the world for God.” 

Do you see how we often flip these - maybe even ignore one or two? It is vital to see how they build on one another and need to be in order. I like to think of this as the Ordo pastorium - the order of being a minister – that forms a framework for a grounded and healthier ministry life.

For more information on pastoral renewal and restoration, please visit our website at www.pirministries.org, or contact us at info@pirministries.org.

Good soul care for ministers includes both appropriate self-awareness – watching over our hearts, and good rhythms – and watching over the patterns of our lives that reflect our true values. Healthy hearts and healthy souls mean healthy lives and ministry.

I have deliberately chosen the word “rhythms” rather than "disciplines" because of the organic nature that the word represents. In music, rhythm is “an ordered alternation of contrasting elements.” Good rhythms in ministry allow us to account for the realities we all face, and keep us from a rigid approach to our discipleship that can far too often create shame rather than joy and freedom.  Rhythms reflect the ebb and flow of life under grace.

In order to address the issues of isolation and loneliness in ministry, we must consider the rhythm between solitude and community.
 

SOLITUDE AND COMMUNITY

I can be alone in a group. I jokingly refer to my “people quotient”. I am energized by being alone. But there is a danger in isolation. My own story is a clear example of the dangers of being isolated from others. Without authentic relationships, my secret sin was allowed to fester until it became unmanageable and led to my exit from ministry.

Many of us in ministry are dangerously isolated – perhaps not because of a lack of proximity to others, but because we lack those significant, authentic relationships. This is the loneliness and isolation of many ministers and spouses.

We need the rhythm of both solitude and community to combat isolation and loneliness.
 

Solitude

Solitude is different from isolation. It is an intentional “coming apart” as Jesus advised, in order to hear God. Jesus planned times of intentional aloneness with the Father. (Mt 14:23, Mk 1:35)

Solitude is that time and place where we find, as John Ortberg has said, “that your existence is larger than your job at church.”

Being alone with God, in solitude, is a Place and Time to remember who I am and to confront the real issues of my heart. One of the clearest examples of this in my own life occurred when I was on a personal retreat at a local Jesuit retreat center. Walking through the “stations of the cross” in the outside gardens, I came to the one where Jesus asked the Father, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” In that moment of solitude, God was able to speak into my own feelings of abandonment, carried with me from when I was a child – feelings that affected a good deal of how I treated others. In the cry of Jesus, I knew that he understood my pain. Without the time alone, I never would have experienced God’s healing touch in my heart.

Solitude can be a time when we fast from things, people, and all the outer props of our lives; including technology. (R. Foster)

But we must be careful here. We do not live only in those internal moments. There is a reason Jesus created the Church, the physical expression of His Body here on earth. As ministers, we live much of our lives between our ears. The contrasting element to solitude is community – the other element necessary for overcoming isolation and loneliness. Being alone needs to prepare us to be with others.
 

Community

Ministers and their families need genuine community. We may preach it to our congregations. But we can avoid it for ourselves. Ministry happens in community and we need it for our souls to be healthy.

Jesus desired that Peter, James and John share with him in his times of glory (on the mountain) and in his deep sorrow (in the Garden)

Paul longed for the company of his companions while in prison.

Community is a word that is very popular right now. With it has come a greater willingness of some ministers to be more open about their own challenges from the pulpit. While I am grateful for that, the deeper issue is: Are there those who really know us? Do we avoid real and authentic relationships for ourselves out of fear or pride?

Are there people we can be unfettered with; who can advocate God’s presence and grace to us?

Ministers need others to remind them who they really are – because we can forget that we are human beings first, disciples second and ministers third. All of us need people who can speak God’s truth and grace into our lives and take us back to the Gospel for US!

I am used to being a lone ranger. But understanding that I need others in my life caused me to create an advisory team when I returned to ministry life. This small group of men know me, and I can be transparent with them. One of the greatest joy’s in my life is that, where once I had none, now I have friends.

Where is that place, and who are the people with whom you can be fully known without secrets? Can sit with them and confess, “Here is what I am most ashamed of”, and experience grace, forgiveness and healing! I believe that James 5:16 is the most avoided passage of Scripture I know. Yet the work of confession – of bringing our faults and sins into the light – is vital for the health of our souls. Personal confession is good. But real healing takes place in that community activity of speaking and hearing in the presence of others. Being authentic at this level will allow us to be authentic in other relationships both inside and outside of our congregations.

It is important that we nurture this kind of community with our spouses. They are a “help” fit for you (Gen. 2:18). They are on this journey with you. Then you must find those folks – within and outside your congregation that can be your friends. Starting today, I challenge you to reach out and find one other person to begin with.
 
In the rhythm of solitude and community, we can find a lasting answer to the problems of isolation and loneliness in ministry.

 For more information on pastoral renewal and restoration, please visit our website at www.pirministries.org, or contact us at info@pirministries.org.
 
PIR Ministries
PO Box 64934
Virginia Beach VA 23467

We see it time and again.
 
Whether you have been blindsided by a leadership decision or experienced a slow “death spiral” in a ministry role, the spiritual and emotional toll of a forced exit is great. Trauma is not too drastic of a word to use to describe what ministers and their families encounter when they are fired, forced to resign or find themselves at the mercy of a leadership coup.
 
By definition, trauma is a deeply distressing experience or event that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope. It is often accompanied by a constant reliving of the event, anger, anxiety, loss of self-esteem and fatigue. These are the very symptoms we observe when we sit down to talk with those who have been exited.

• Trust is deeply wounded – “Why would people do this?” “Where was God?”
• Doubt colors the sense of calling, giftedness and worth. Pastors begin to see themselves as "damaged goods."
• Anger and fear begin to dominate relationships; and show up in unexpected ways.

 
And the ministers spouse and children? Many consider walking back through the doors of a church unthinkable.
 
In many ways, a forced exit from a ministry role may not seem much different from any other job loss. But the differences are real and can be dramatic. There is a deep spiritual and emotional connection that exists between ministers and their calling. There is also a deep connection that can, and should, grow between ministers and the fellowship of people they serve. This is, perhaps, one of the most significant differences. When a minister is forced out of their role it goes beyond merely losing a job. The typical support relationships that would help someone through any job transition are suddenly and traumatically ended for ministers and their families. Where can ministry leaders go and who can they talk with to process the loss and grief when an exit occurs?
 
It is vital that we acknowledge the reality of spiritual and emotional trauma in cases of forced ministry exit. Otherwise, we can be tempted to minimize or even deny the long-term effects this kind of experience creates. In the introduction to her book Moving On - Surviving the Grief of Forced Termination, Deanna Harrison recounts her own experience with this kind of trauma.
 
"For reasons beyond our comprehension, our 30+ years of pastoral ministry came to an abrupt halt. I was still married to the same godly man of integrity but he was no longer a pastor. I was no longer a pastor’s wife. Within days of learning anything was wrong, it was all over. We had been terminated. Our lives shattered as we plunged into a grief so deep I wondered if we would survive."
 
For the ministry family, a particularly traumatic exit can create an emotional and spiritual "toxicity" that is carried into the next role if left unattended. Churches begin to see themselves as "employers,” making arm’s length business decisions without understanding how such exits not only change the life of a ministry family, but also the very fabric of the church culture. Every time a minister or ministry leader leaves or is let go, there is a measure of grief and loss for all involved. Forced exits come packed with a level of trauma that can feel like a tsunami.
 
Studies have shown that most ministers who experience a forced exit take a minimum of 18 months to return to an active role - and 40% never return. In every case, the first step in healing hearts wounded by an exit is accepting the reality of the spiritual and emotional trauma. The next step is to connect with those who have the tools and processes to help ministry families navigate through the dark waters after an exit. These people and ministries exist, and are equipped to offer hope when all seems lost.
 
If you, or someone you know, is in the midst of a season of grief following a forced termination, it is important to take these two steps as soon as possible. The trauma is real. But so is Hope. You can begin by contacting us at info@pirministries.org.