Humans are beautifully complex creatures. One of the privileges of being a spiritual director is walking alongside as our directees journey towards understanding and integrating all of their wonderful systems and weaving them into their experience of the Divine. Trauma often causes disruptions to these systems and to one’s ability to integrate them. In some situations, a directee may have clearly discernible or even previously diagnosed challenges to their physical and mental health as a result of their trauma story. These issues can certainly be brought to direction, but in some instances may impede the direction process, or be more pressing concerns than the spiritual questions related to them. This is why we at ICTG encourage treatment and healing plans that include a variety of caregivers, like those represented in our Village of Care series. We advocate for referral based care, meaning that one particular professional can not heal all wounds. Collaboration with colleagues in other care fields helps us all to provide better support and make sure those we are working with get the best help for their situation. However, sometimes, we may discover that we have a directee who is resistant to being referred to other caregivers. When we bump into this resistance, communication with our directee is key. We need to take the time to understand why they are hesitant, or perhaps even refuse, to seek other forms of care. It may be that some explanation or education of what other treatment forms entail is needed. Or perhaps they need help finding someone to go with them to a consultation. Appropriate and accurate information may help them to understand what care from a doctor, therapist, or other caregiver might provide them. We know that neither we, nor our ministry, can heal all wounds. Caring for those who have experienced the disruption of trauma, and caring for ourselves in the midst, will look different in every situation. In some situations, referral is a difficult option for more concrete reasons. Perhaps services are limited in the area (in many parts of the country therapists in particular are few and far between). Perhaps finances are a challenge and insurance (if they have it) does not cover the needed care. In some cases, online care services via video conference or over the phone may be an option for these folks. The internet can provide exercise tutorials, cooking instructions, and access to shopping for tools or supplements that local stores may not carry. Helping with some creative problem solving is one of the ways we can continue to support the whole person health journeys of our directees. Another potential difficulty with referral is when the directee has a particular cultural or religious belief that stops them from participating in specific types of care. Here again, communication is key. It may be that there is some work to be done in examining the beliefs that hinder them from receiving care. On the other hand, if it is the case that their resistance to treatment is non-negotiable for them at this time, you as the director will have to decide how you would like to proceed. If applicable, it is important at minimum to have a conversation about how direction experiences or outcomes may be impacted by their decision. Depending on the severity of their situation, it is important to consider your own support system and to maintain appropriate boundaries in offering care or helping to problem solve with and for the directee. We know as directors that we are primarily witnesses to God working in the lives of those we companion. We know that neither we, nor our ministry, can heal all wounds. Caring for those who have experienced the disruption of trauma, and caring for ourselves in the midst, will look different in every situation. Caring for ourselves will help us to be consistent and steady in our offerings, and communicating openly, with some creative problem solving thrown in, will help our directees renew their sense of Wholeness.
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For this edition of the Village of Care, we interviewed Kiki Williams. Kiki is a NY based Yoga teacher and dancer who shared with us the unique ways that Yoga can aid in healing from trauma. Kiki’s warmth and care for people flows through their words and we hope you’ll find it encouraging as you come alongside people who are seeking whole-person life. In your experience/opinion, what makes yoga good for people? Everything! It’s a practice that engages both the body and the mind. It’s equally beneficial for lowering blood pressure, increasing muscle strength, gaining a greater sense of mind-body awareness, and learning to be with difficult emotions. Depending on the practice, it can also be relaxing or energizing, or a little bit of both! In my own experience, yoga has allowed me to feel and be deeply connected with my body and my mind. I can have an experience and register both the emotional aspect of it, as well as the way the emotion manifests in physical sensation, such as a faster heart rate when I am anxious. Yoga has also helped me feel into my own strength and power. The practice continuously offers opportunities to push past perceived boundaries and expand into a greater sense of being. As I often tell my students, yoga is less about the poses themselves or contorting your body to look a certain way, but rather is a metaphor for life. You will do poses that are challenging, and poses that come with ease. Throughout the course of even a 60-mins class, you may encounter comparing mind, self-doubt, frustration, joy, and fun! And just like with life, the lesson is really about how we show up in each moment, if we’re willing to be present with whatever arises, be it pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. The more practice we get sifting through all of that on a yoga mat, the easier it becomes in everyday life. How does trauma-informed yoga differ from a standard practice? I actually take some issue with the idea of a standard practice, because it negates the reality that most folx are in fact walking through life with some degree of trauma, as if there is a “standard” way to be and exist in the world, and absolves the teacher in some sense of their responsibility to read a room and adjust the class based on who is present and what is needed. But I don’t know if that’s where you were going with that question! Trauma-informed yoga is different than a standard yoga class in several ways, but one of the main ways is language. When someone experiences something traumatic, they don’t choose it, it is something that happens to them without consent. So everything done in a trauma-informed class is an invitation- there’s almost no commanding language. Oftentimes that is made explicit in the beginning by the teacher, and then reinforced as the class goes on. Statements such as “Perhaps you might try...” or “If you’d like you can...” allow students to make choices that they feel comfortable with, and thus rectify a sense of agency that was damaged during a traumatic event. A trauma-informed practice is also not goal-oriented in the same way a standard class is. In a standard class, the teacher might be offering an apex-pose model, which involves working up to a specific pose by doing exercises and poses that directly relate to that pose. For example, if the apex pose is a deep back bend like Chakrasana (wheel pose), the teacher will likely engage smaller backbends, open the shoulders, and lengthen the quads, all in preparation for the apex pose. While this model can still be used for a trauma- informed class, the point or objective isn’t about the apex pose itself, but rather about providing opportunities to connect and be present with the breath and the body. The disembodiment that often comes with a traumatic experience often lasts far longer than the event itself. By offering moments to notice any physical sensations in the legs, or to try breathing into your back and feel it press against the floor, etc, gives folx the opportunity to form a new relationship with their bodies. For me, when I think of healing work, I am thinking of whatever upsets one’s current conditioning and opens pathways to an expansive and authentic heart and mind, or in Buddhism the heart-mind. While we have to be mindful of our limits and capacities, the opportunity to be challenged or to be in discomfort is often how we chip away at the trauma thats built itself up around our beings. It’s not always comfortable work, but it’s necessary work. In your experience, what people/groups benefit from a trauma-informed approach to yoga? Literally everyone! I say this because everyone has trauma. That trauma looks very, very different from person to person, of course. I don’t believe it’s possible to be a human in the world and not have trauma, be it from this lifetime, familial, or ancestral. Oftentimes I think people hear “trauma” and their mind moves towards a very specific place, usually towards physical trauma of some kind. But for so many folx, a lot of our trauma is emotional and ancestral, and arises in how we do or don’t communicate, create boundaries, and care for ourselves, amongst other things. So in a trauma-informed class when there are choices given, it can be quite difficult for folx to decide what to do because they’ve only ever been told or commanded. Or because the pace can often be slower in a trauma-informed class, folx who are used to hiding behind busy work days and overloaded schedules often find that moving slowly or being in silence makes them anxious. Or if you grew up in a very rigid household where play and pleasure were not acceptable, then the suggestion to “do what feels good in your body” can be a completely foreign concept, and deeply uncomfortable to engage with. For me, when I think of healing work, I am thinking of whatever upsets one’s current conditioning and opens pathways to an expansive and authentic heart and mind, or in Buddhism the heart-mind. While we have to be mindful of our limits and capacities, the opportunity to be challenged or to be in discomfort is often how we chip away at the trauma thats built itself up around our beings. It’s not always comfortable work, but it’s necessary work. What groups in particular are you working with? What challenges are they facing? What is unique about their circumstances? Currently I teach a wide range of adults, Hasidic Jewish women, and high school students, and their challenges are quite different. My Hasidic clients are extremely active and busy people who have much of the same hurried nature as most New Yorkers. This often results in a lot of physical tightness in the body, particularly in the calves, feet, and shoulders. The demand on their time is such that my time with them is probably the slowest-moving of their entire week. Thus, I always make it a point to start and end in stillness, with a focus on the breath- an opportunity to engage their parasympathetic nervous systems, find ease in the body, and practice being present in the current moment. With high school students, however, their challenges have a wider range- they’re physically exhausted from lack of sleep, but are also some of the most stressed and anxious people I’ve encountered. For many, home life may not be the most stable, and they often feel an immense amount of pressure from school, guardians, and society to accomplish a very specific idea of success, one that usually leaves them depleted and riddled with self-doubt. Then you consider hormonal changes, and peer pressure, and it’s easy to understand where their lack of grounding arises from. My work with students has a lot to do with introducing them to being present with their body- noticing sensations, sounds, and what physical reactions might occur with various emotions. As their relationship to and understanding of their bodies strengthens, they also then cultivate a greater sense of agency for how they meet the circumstances of their lives. Using breath and body awareness, they learn to calm their anxiety, and make grounded, thoughtful choices. What accomplishments do you get to witness that people in other fields might not notice or understand the importance of? I get to see people become more embodied and more aware of their bodies over time- they begin to notice their own physical patterning and “wake up” various parts of their bodies and minds that had no liveliness or awareness prior. This is very exciting for me. When I first start working with a client, the body is often like one big mass that moves around- the left arm lifts and the whole left side of the body moves every which way along with it, but the client may not even realize. Over time, students are able to cultivate a very intimate and nuanced understanding of the inner workings of the various parts of the body. By bringing an intentional awareness practice to the experience of movement, you are also strengthening your awareness generally. I am speaking very physically here, but as I tell my students, yoga is a metaphor for life. In yoga there’s something called the koshas, which are 5 layers or sheaths of the body, from the physical to the spiritual. As we become more connected to our physical body, which is the first layer, it has the opportunity to soften and open, and thus make the way to move even further inwards and to connect spiritually. It’s equally beneficial for lowering blood pressure, increasing muscle strength, gaining a greater sense of mind-body awareness, and learning to be with difficult emotions. What additional types of care do you see as being helpful to people looking to heal holistically from trauma? If the resources are available, therapy is so lovely! Especially if the therapist introduces mindfulness practices that allow clients to have tools outside of sessions. Being able to speak about our trauma, outside of our own minds, allows us to better understand it. Being able to process our experience in some external way allows us to release the trauma in whatever way we’re holding it- silence, physical illness, muscular blockages. It also brings the experience from the individual to the collective, which fosters support, connectivity, and community, which is so important. Silence can occur because we feel alone, or shame around our experiences, and we tell ourselves the story that no one has experienced what we have, or that no one will understand, and it’s very much a Western thing to suffer in isolation like we often do. One of my favorite teachers/authors, Malidoma Patrice Somé of the Dagara tribe in Burkina Faso, speaks passionately about community being necessary for healing. Community is the reflection needed during difficult times and transitions that support both the strength of making it through (elders) as well as reasoning behind continued perseverance (youth). There is an acknowledgement of the collective nature of our healing- that by healing myself, I create both space and an example for others on their path to healing as well. What effect do you see on/in people’s faith or spirituality as a result of their practice? This is actually a more challenging space for me to see change/growth. Because most of my current work is with Hasidic Jewish women and children in public school, I have to approach the subject of yoga and meditation from a more secular or anatomical/physical lense. I can and often bring in universal themes, such as compassion or self-love, but even mentioning the word “faith” can be problematic in both of those spaces. The affect I do see, however, is the deepening connection and understanding of the physical body, which is a critical stepping point towards deeper connection spiritually. What I learn through my Buddhist meditation practice, for example, is that it is because of our manifestation in these human bodies that we are able to have complex thought and experience spirituality and spiritual growth/healing in the way that we do. We wouldn’t be able to do it without a physical form, and so even just the simple awareness we practice as we move through postures or exercises, is in itself a part of spirituality.
This post, written by Erin Jantz, originally was published on October 3, 2016, on the ICTG blog. To say that our country is facing a difficult season, would be putting it lightly. In just the last few months, we have seen devastating fires, floods, and tornadoes. People have died, needlessly, and many communities are outraged and seeking justice and peace in the midst of their grief. And all of the live video, along with minute-by-minute reactions, are available and swamping our newsfeeds constantly. Regardless of where we live, we have access to the pain and devastation of neighbors we have never met. It is making us all weary and hungry for relief. What is a spiritual director to do in days like these? A wise friend once told me that training gives us knowledge about, and language to describe, what is happening to us. It does not somehow free, excuse, or save us from experiencing what is happening to us. This is why, more than ever, it is important for spiritual directors to know who their neighbors are in the village of helpers who provide care after a trauma. Knowing who else is equipped to provide care of various kinds helps us take care of our directees, and ourselves. For example, we need the help of doctors, educators, therapists, yoga instructors, and others to help care holistically for those we companion, because we are not those things. I am not a general practitioner in the medical community. I am not a therapist. I incorporate yoga into my self-care, but I am not a yogini. I am a mandated reporter, but I am not a social worker or lawyer or police officer. We directors, do not (necessarily) have those trainings—this is good. This is an opportunity for community within the village of care. Training gives us knowledge about, and language to describe, what is happening to us. Knowing and owning our own limitations professionally helps us to maintain healthy internal boundaries, to not be tempted to be all things to all people, or to give in to savior complexes when we encounter hurt in people’s souls. It is good for us to have developed an awareness of who other trustworthy caregivers are so that we can reliably refer people to the help they need. Feeling good about the fact that I cannot always help everyone provides me with a layer of protection from experiencing vicarious trauma. Knowing our own limitations also allows us to create meaningful space for self-care in overwhelming times. Even when my community and/or clients are suffering, I still need to take care of my family and myself. This means that sometimes I will say no to taking on a new directee or speaking engagement even though I may feel drawn to them. Sometimes I say no to scheduling or rescheduling with someone because I need to have time to meet with my own director, therapist, or doctor—or just have tea with a friend. Knowing that I have colleagues and connections I trust to care for others and me lightens the burden and gives me hope that there is ongoing good in the world. Knowing and owning our own limitations professionally helps us to maintain healthy internal boundaries, to not be tempted to be all things to all people, or to give in to savior complexes when we encounter hurt in people’s souls. The time it takes to build these relationships is best used when there is no present crisis. Find out the names and practices of people you may need to rely on, determine your own needs and processes for refreshment, make a plan for how and when to refer. And above all, pray. For wisdom, discernment, help, healing, and hope even in the darkest of days.
In The Village of Care series we have the opportunity to hear from helping professions, who are not spiritual directors themselves but who can collaborate with spiritual directors to combine and expand resources for survivors. These voices come from medical, mental health, research, ministry, and public service. The goal in hearing these varying perspectives is to give us as spiritual directors some insight into the experiences that our directees may be having with other helpers in their lives, and language to talk about it with them. The expectation is that we are learning from our colleagues in other fields, and translating their advice where appropriate to the context of spiritual direction. We encourage you to make an effort to get to know care providers in your community now, so that you have relationships to lean on when greater context is needed. As a therapist at my local sexual assault center, I can’t count the number of times I had an individual in my office grappling with how to reconcile their sexual abuse or assault with their faith, and yet being afraid to approach the subject within their spiritual community. Terrified that their worst fears will be affirmed; that they are dirty, that they did something wrong, or that their feelings are somehow wrong or too much. These incorrect narratives are exactly why trauma informed spiritual directors are in such a unique position to provide vital support to survivors of sexual violence. My hope is that this post will give you a few things to keep in mind as you work with survivors of sexual violence to help you feel more confident and prepared. Examine yourself first. So often survivors will not mention their abuse in an effort to protect others, thinking it will upset the listener too much or that the person sitting across from them won’t know how to react. Check in with yourself on what feelings come up when sexual abuse and assault are mentioned. Is there personal work you need to do to be a calm and empathetic presence? Create safe spaces. Do your best to create a culture of respect and safety. With news stories of churches covering up abuses and ministers abusing their power, it is important to acknowledge these things and stand against them. Despite the staggering statistics of how frequent abuse is, it often remains something spoken about so little. We need to start conversations about sexual abuse and assault, urge our organizations to create and follow policies to help keep each other safe. Most importantly, make it known you are a safe person to talk to. We can’t ignore the world we live in and part of that is committing to be different. Listen & Believe. The reaction a person receives the first time they disclose is critical. It often sticks with them and sets the trajectory of their recovery. It could mean the difference between getting support and deciding to hold the secret for years if not for a lifetime. It can be incredibly scary for a survivor to speak up, so it is important to fully listen, let them know they are believed, and that they are not alone. Encourage them for their bravery in speaking up. Remove Guilt. One of the most important things you can say is, “This is not your fault.” Often survivors replay the events in their heads, sure that they did something to cause the assault or abuse. Thoughts like, I shouldn’t have trusted them, maybe I sent the wrong message, if I would have behaved better/differently maybe it wouldn’t have happened. Reassure that no matter what it was not their fault, and nothing they did caused this. Give back control. Someone who has survived abuse has been through something where their control over their own body and life was taken from them. It is important to give it back--give choices, make sure their voice is heard and valued, let them be in control. Assist in staying grounded. If someone is disclosing to you for the first time, or still in early phases of healing, it is possible they will begin to disassociate while sharing their story. You can use grounding techniques to help them avoid being re-traumatized by their memories. Ask them to rub their hands together or try doing some rhythmic tapping together. You can remind them they are safe with you, take some deep breaths, or ask if they would like to take a break to get a glass of water or a candy before continuing. Understand how trauma impacts the brain. It can be useful as a helper to understand what clients might be experiencing, and to be able to share that information when appropriate. Trauma affects memory. It’s not unusual for there to be gaps in memory or trouble putting together a narrative or timeline. Imagine throwing a puzzle in the air- pieces land everywhere, some face up, some face down, some get lost under furniture. This is what it feels like for an assault victim to try to recall the events of an assault, only bits and pieces are apparent, some are lost, and all is scrambled. It is incredibly frustrating, confusing, and can invoke such a feeling of hopelessness in survivors. When our body feels unsafe, it takes over. We’ve all heard of Fight or Flight, but what is less known is the Freeze response which is common in a sexual assault. It is an automatic response of the body to try to protect itself. It can be confusing to survivors as they look back and wonder why they didn’t react differently. Understanding trauma and its effects can be empowering for survivors, understanding that their body was doing its part to survive. There is nothing they could have done differently. Honor how the individual has survived. Enduring a trauma like sexual assault can leave individuals feeling unsafe in the world, unable to trust others or themselves as they did before. Often, survivors are left dealing with intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and nightmares. Dealing with these symptoms can lead to coping behaviors all across the board. It is so important to understand that these are survival mechanisms that have helped the individual get through. While they may be unhealthy or causing things in their world to fall apart, they are also what has helped the person survive and get to where they are today…the point where they are able to speak up and start to heal. Ensure Safety. If you have an individual disclosing abuse or an assault, you will often need to address safety. If you are dealing with child sexual abuse it is your responsibility to report to the police or your local child protection agency right away. If you are working with an adult survivor, there are many factors that the survivor will be taking into consideration when determining what is safest and best for them. It is very important to trust the survivor in this situation. It is always their decision whether or not they would like to report to authorities. If they are in an ongoing abusive situation or do not feel safe you can help them know their options and put together a safety plan identifying their support people, their local police, and domestic or sexual assault center. It is always a good idea to consider a medical exam to make sure the survivor is physically alright. Most hospitals have specially trained sexual assault nurse examiners to help and who can also collect forensic evidence if desired by the survivor. Connect. There is such healing power in connecting. You can encourage individuals to connect with their local sexual assault center. Often there is advocacy, counseling, support groups and other resources available. If you are unsure of your local agency, you can call our national hotline as a first step and they should be able to direct you to your local agency. There are also many online resources and support groups available. Start compiling your list of local agencies, resources, and support groups now so that it is robust and ready should you need to make referrals. Begin with these: National Sexual Violence Resource Center https://www.nsvrc.org/ RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) https://www.nsvrc.org/
In The Village of Care series we have the opportunity to hear from helping professions, who are not spiritual directors themselves but who can collaborate with spiritual directors to combine and expand resources for survivors. These voices come from medical, mental health, research, ministry, and public service. The goal in hearing these varying perspectives is to give us as spiritual directors some insight into the experiences that our directees may be having with other helpers in their lives, and language to talk about it with them. The expectation is that we are learning from our colleagues in other fields, and translating their advice where appropriate to the context of spiritual direction. We encourage you to make an effort to get to know care providers in your community now, so that you have relationships to lean on when greater context is needed. The moment right before a patient’s consult with an Oncologist, where I know they will receive a cancer diagnosis, always makes me very anxious as a nurse coordinator. I usually wait outside the room and introduce myself only a few moments before the doctor comes in because I don’t want there to be any empty conversation space. I know that empty space means they will undoubtedly ask me about their results and I never want to lie (and what feels more mean than saying, “I’ve seen them. Wait a few more minutes for the doctor to come in...”). I know their life will never be the same and this is the first red letter day of a new chapter of their lives. I sit with the patient and family after the doctor drops a bomb and explains in attempted-plain-medical-English, but I know most of what was said sounds like French and it’s hard for patients to move past the word “cancer.” A lot of patients feel that the ‘waiting and not knowing’ is the hardest part. Oftentimes, imaginations go a little wild and patients picture the worst, most painful treatments and a slow, long death. Whether someone finds out they have an incurable disease that will most likely lead to their death, or an early-stage cancer that will most likely be cured with treatment, the “cancer” word has a way of pulling someone’s life sharply into focus, and their mortality at the forefront of their minds. At the same time they are bombarded with practical issues such as who will pick up their kids from school, how will they pay their expenses if they aren’t working, who to share this news with, and when to tell close family and friends. Being a support person such as a nurse, counselor, or spiritual director can certainly be a challenge. The training we have received has taught us to actively listen, but what if our client doesn’t know how to start talking about or processing their hurricane of many emotions that they may be feeling all at once? Using my experience as an oncology and hospice nurse for 10 years and speaking with Laurie Ostracher, LCSW, I’ve put together some basic tips for supporting your client with a cancer diagnosis. I’ve got some good news! You don’t need to be Ghandi or come up with inspirational or overly spiritual quotes! With some general prompts, focus on listening and let the client direct the conversation. The training we have received has taught us to actively listen, but what if our client doesn’t know how to start talking about or processing their hurricane of many emotions that they may be feeling all at once? Start by asking what would be the most helpful for them You may think they would be concerned about death and dying, but they may surprise you and actually be preoccupied with a completely different issue! This sometimes can involve their hair falling out, or the fear of needing an ostomy bag. Ask, “what kinds of thoughts are going through your head?” or say “It’s hard for me to imagine what you’re feeling like,” (even if you are a cancer survivor). Be very empathetic and express how sorry you are that they are going through this. Ask, “what kind of support do you have? Family? Friends?” Are their family and friends actually supportive? Suggesting Resources If someone has pre-existing anxiety, support groups may not be the best environments. Classes may be a better fit, as they are more directional. You can ask what kinds of resources their clinic offers, or encourage them to get connected to the social worker at their clinic to find out about their resources. Breaking the News to Children Many parents become very concerned with what and when to tell their children. They should share what they know in age-appropriate terms with their children as they find information out themselves. Kids are very sharp and almost always sense that something is “off” before anything is said. Just like adults, their imaginations can go wild if they aren’t told the facts, so oftentimes the plain facts are less scary then what they had made-up in their minds. If your client is hesitant, they can wait until they have a treatment plan in place to tell their kids everything at once. Kids are very self-referential and mostly want to know how their lives will be affected. It can be helpful to make a visual calendar and include items like who will be picking them up from school, when visitors are coming (including relatives staying over). Be aware that telling your children information can come with a loss of control over your privacy. It’s only fair that they can discuss with their friends for support, as it is healthy for everyone touched by the diagnosis to have someone to talk to. Unwanted Questions If others are approaching your client and wanting to discuss the diagnosis and your client doesn’t wish to, he/she can say something like “Thank you so much for your concern. Right now I’m really focusing on my kids. How are you? Tell me about what you’ve been up to!” A cancer diagnosis is a huge blow to someone’s perceived control in their lives. It can really aggravate pre-existing anxiety conditions. You are in a unique position of privilege to come alongside someone in crisis. When I was a new nurse, these words brought me a lot of solace, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” (Maya Angelou). TraciLyn Clark RN, BSN, PHN, OCN Oncology Nurse Coordinator
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SPIRITUAL DIRECTION BLOG
From 2012-2020, this blog space explored expanding understanding and best practices for holistic health in the context of spiritual direction.
This website serves as a historical mark of work the Institute conducted prior to 2022. This website is no longer updated. Archives
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